Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
