at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
