Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
