mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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