Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
