Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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