Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
