Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
