i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
