Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
