Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cannot find my penis.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize