This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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