Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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