the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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