I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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