Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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