We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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