im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
