Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
