Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize