I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
