Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
