ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize