its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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