the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
