Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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