i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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