Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
