Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
