Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize