omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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