If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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