I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
