I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Success! We fucked roommates!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
