it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
