the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
