I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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