Who did Billy Mays play for?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize