Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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