I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
