sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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