Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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