Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
