I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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