Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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