For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
