I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
