We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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