did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
