For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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