Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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