Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
