I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
