you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
