Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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