I am puke
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
