Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
