can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
