he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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