part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
