so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
