Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize