so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
