I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize