Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
