i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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