Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
