watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
