Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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