I'm going to jail i love you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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