There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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