I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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