that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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